‘It should’ve been one of us’

Cindy Crawford has detailed the “survivor guilt” she experienced after her brother Jeffrey died at the age of 3 following a battle with leukemia.

The former supermodel, 58, opened up about the heartbreaking loss during an appearance on the “Kelly Corrigan Wonders” podcast Saturday.

Crawford, who navigated through the tragedy with her sisters Chris and Danielle, said their father, John Crawford, was longing for a son before Jeffrey came along.

“My dad wanted a boy, so the fourth was the boy and I think that there was a lot of guilt,” she told hosts Kelly Corrigan, 56, and Christy Turlington.

“There’s like that survivor guilt of the other kids and especially because we knew that my dad really wanted a boy. We felt like ‘Well it should’ve been one of us.’”

“It was so weird, for years, my sisters and I would all have these same nightmares, that it should’ve been one of us,” Crawford added.

The runway icon, who was just 9 years old at the time of her brother’s death, said she sought the help of therapy.

“Just recently, I was doing some coaching through Covid. I actually had time to do real work, and I realized that one of the questions the coach asked me was something like, ‘What did you need to hear at that time that you didn’t hear?’ and I realized,” the cover girl shared.

“And my mom wouldn’t have known to say this, she was 26 years old and had just lost a child, but I needed to hear, ‘Yes, we’re so sad that Jeff has died, but we’re so happy you are here.”

The mom of two also detailed just how differently the topic of death was approached back then.

“I remember when I went back to school after my brother died, not one person said one thing to me, no kidding, except for one kid who was like, ‘I saw in the paper your brother’s dead. Is that true?” she recalled.

“I was like, ‘Whoa.’ It was so in your face, but he didn’t know what to say. We were in third grade.”